Monday, September 21, 2015

Emotional Roller Coaster

A year later...

You will never know the pain, devastation, guilt, and sorrow that you left behind.  For your family and friends it will take years to come to terms with your decision.  They say it only takes a minute to like someone and a lifetime to forget them, you will never be forgotten.  This roller coaster of emotions that I am watching my husband experience, you were one of his best friends, his hunting buddy.  It took him most of the day to process the news that you were gone, not just out of state or for the weekend, but gone as in forever.  Once it sank in, the sense of loss he is experiencing cannot be described.  He wishes he could go back, ask you how you were doing, tell you he was sorry for all the petty stupid things that were said over the years, but mostly he just wishes he could bring you back he would do anything. He doesn't remember many adventures that you were not a part of, secret hunting spots, late night drag outs, high school parties, you have always been there. Now you are gone.

I would lie if I didn't say there is anger that you took this route that you thought this was the only way that you didn't think of all of your family and friends, we care, we hurt, how could you! There is also pain, could we have done something, said something, stopped this?

Watch over us now, keep hubby safe while he is out hunting, you will for sure be on his mind again. Losing you was losing a brother to him, he still hurts, and something tells me that, that will never change.  There will forever be an ache.

We grieve still that we won't see you again, share a smile with you, see the sparkle of your eyes when mischief was bound to happen.  Your love of an adrenaline rush, and that quietness that we knew was just you, nothing unusual just you.

You are and always will be missed. RIP

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