Sunday, October 6, 2013

11 Years

As I sit here writing this I remember 11 years ago, I was a scared 21 year old girl who had been just life-flighted to Great Falls. I was lying in a hospital bed convincing my family it was all a false alarm and I would be headed back home tomorrow and it was fine if they drove back. They did all leave everyone except Shane he was spending the night with me on a roll away bed that I am sure was not promising comfort. We were exhausted, and young and had no clue that our world was about to be turned upside down in every way possible.
11 years later I sit here on my bedroom floor typing a letter to the two most precious gifts that God has ever given me. He chose me to raise them, to have the honor of being called their mom, and to cry and smile all at the same time because sometimes parenthood really is insanity. 10 was a hard year, they are starting to become young girls, emotional, and figuring out their place in this world. They have opinions they have wants, needs, and sometimes demands. And lately they have no respect for me as a parent, I have to admit I was expecting this phase and in denial that maybe it wouldn’t happen and if it did it would happen later. But no such luck for me, darn it. We will make it through this too, they will drive me batty, I will drive them batty and together we will smile, argue, like, and dislike but we are family and we will survive teen girls.
Kaleigh & Lauryn,
I decided to write you a letter together this year. You two are going to drive me crazy sometimes, you are going to probably swear I have no clue what I am talking about, and I am sure I will hear the words I hate you at some point in time. I promise to drive you crazy most of the time and that I will always know what I am talking about. However I also promise that if or when you say you hate me that I will cry a little, and let it roll off my shoulders knowing that you don’t mean it and that you love me and will always love me. I promise to listen to you when you need to talk, I will always be here protecting your best interests and making sure you remember where your roots are.
You are such strong little girls, and you will always be my little girls. You are already independent, think you know it all and you already make time to help those that really need it. Please keep those traits. This last week you witnessed, for the first time I think realizing what it was, one of your friends being bullied. You handled it like pros, you made your friend smile again and let her talk to you and she even said she was so happy to have friends like you. You don’t share many friends and this is a new friendship for one of you but I am so proud of you. I am also very thankful that you knew you could talk to me about it, that you knew I would listen and that you listened when I gave you a little advice so that an adult at your school knows about it also. I lost a sweet dear friend in high school, because of bullying. He was a bright star and although he had terrific friends like I told you sometimes friends can get you more help when you are afraid to ask. I sit here crying wishing that we could skip middle school, that we could skip the girls that are mean, the emotions of your first breakup, or second or third, the growing years, only to realize we can’t. You will go through some rough times, but I promise you two that you will be ok. You two are so caring, compassionate, curious, adventurous adrenaline junkies, sweethearts, rough and tumble wears your heart on your sleeve girls.
You will have an amazing last year at elementary school and I am sure I will cry when I pick you up from your last day, because you are just growing up so fast, too fast. I miss rocking you to sleep at night, and to all those people that say you shouldn’t do that I say forget you, because there is nothing like the feeling of your babies asleep in your arms their peaceful faces, and gentle breathing. I miss the midnight feedings it was me and you time, hanging out watching QVC, just the three of us; or four of us because you two hit the lottery on your daddy, he really is the best. I still get the running jumping hugs, the goodnight kisses and I hope those don’t end for a while because I cherish each and every one of them still. You two make my heart smile, my soul smile you are a reminder that I am truly greatly blessed.
God chose me, although sometimes I think He might have been crazy because he forgot to give me the owners’ manual for twins, He chose me and He knew what he was doing. He made the last 10 years a ride, and I can’t wait for the next year’s adventures.
I love you baby girls and I am so proud of you!
Always and Forever,

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